Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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