btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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