You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
