I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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