i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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