He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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