dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize