Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
