the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
