Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
