Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
