just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
