i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
