so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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