So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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