just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize