You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
