so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
