Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
