you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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