I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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