I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
