So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
