My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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