Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
