he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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