if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
