he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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