I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
