Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
