If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
