it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
