dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
