then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
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