There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize