They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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