Just cropdusted the office
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
