He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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