my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
