you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
