I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
