you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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