Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
