The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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