Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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