Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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