Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
