if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize