is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
