my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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