Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Do vagina's smell?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
