too bad you live with your parents still
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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