Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
