Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
