I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
