Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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