So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
