It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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