is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
