if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
