I got her a Nickelback box set.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize