We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Everyone says I win the strip club
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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