I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
