Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
