i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
