So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize