Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Randomize
