Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
