How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Randomize
