All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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