Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
