I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
