Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
