the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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