We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
