it was like his penis was on wheels.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
