I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Are my feet made of real feet?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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