listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize