I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
