Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
