Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
