A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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