I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
