$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
