Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
