I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize