I wanna bring you to show and tell
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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