Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
