dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
