if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
