She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
