My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
