RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
