I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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