I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
