no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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