"it" just moved
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
