I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
