she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize