I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize