The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
