We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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