Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
