I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
