you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
