Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
