so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
