Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
