Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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