I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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