Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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